2014-02-21 To S.

2014-02-21

S.,

Patience is a really beautiful virtue that gets corrupted by the abuses of technology. Sincerity is the delicious fruit of patience.

You asked me a few weeks ago how I was doing, and I replied that at that time I did not have time to respond adequately, that I would write to you in the future. That future is today. I consider that it is a good moment to tell you a little about how I am.

I couldn’t answer you when you asked me because I didn’t have enough time. Also, I was not comfortable answering you in a hurry and without the care and detail that you deserve, and I deserve. I hope it hasn’t arrived bad and that you understand it. I like to take care of communication. I am willing to sacrifice speed for quality. So, I hope your answer, if any, is not hasty. Make it honest, of high-quality. I don’t care how long it takes you to write to me, it can be two days, or it can be two years. I’ll be fine.

In these moments I am very happy. I am very comfortable with my life. I am flourishing, I am incredibly productive. As I never have been. I am learning a lot: I read, I write, I meet incredible people, who show me new horizons and expand my mind; I tear down walls of the past; I understand part of the numerous mistakes I made in the past. But I don’t blame myself. Those mistakes are part of my life, of my learning, of being where I am today. I needed to make a mistake to get where I got to. Sometimes it was necessary to be wrong once, but other times it was necessary to be wrong again and again. Enough times until I learned. Many of my mistakes have revolved around you. It had to be this way to learn. If they happen again, it will be equally necessary. It will be proof that I have not yet learned what I have to learn, that I have to continue learning.

Now I am understanding countless things that were incomprehensible to me in the past. That, at times, I acted in a completely illogical, extremely passionate way. Many times, in a hurry and worried about the ephemerality of the moment.

Now I’m calm. Much calmer.

In these moments of inner calm, few external storms can stir my spirit.

S., I would like to hear from you. You are a person whom, I feel, I have not treated as you deserve. I can learn a lot from you, and I have a feeling that we could have an incredibly fruitful relationship for both of us. No matter the physical distance, as long as there is a spiritual, intellectual, and / or emotional union. The power of the non-physical knows no limits in time or space. (Imagine reading this letter and that I am dead. You could still answer it and be communicating with me.)

Out of respect; towards me, but much more important, out of respect for you; I hope you will give me a thought worthy of your ability. If you lie to me, you are lying to yourself. I wrote a couple of days ago to a friend, who told me to that she was “fine”. Personally, I highly doubt it. So, if that is not true, there is nothing I can do as a friend to help her. But, much more damaging, for both of them, I will believe that there is nothing wrong in not helping her. Lying to me is lying to yourself.

I would like you to answer me, please. Slowly and sincerely. If you do not want to answer me, I perfectly respect your decision.

Carlos

Figure 17: Brussels (Belgium), November, 2013: Taking out a glove to take a selfie. Very smart behavior in Northen Europe.